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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Mercury Retrograde Ego Deconstruction

I've been experiencing what feels like an accelerated initiation cycle since the beginning of November involving dramatic disruptions in my health condition, my communications, my ability to travel, and my ability to provide for myself.  It has felt pretty much like I've got a huge target on my forehead.

I'm chalking all the ultra disruption up to the heavy duty Mercury retrograde in Scorpio / Sagittarius during November with lots of heavy hitters (Saturn, Pluto, Mars, and the North Node) joining in either my sign, Capricorn, or in Scorpio.  Toss in two eclipses for good measure and you have what has turned out to be the worst Mercury retrograde I've ever experienced.

Regardless, this transition has literally kicked my butt.  I got physically ill with the flu the week that Mercury turned retrograde and all the hotspots of his retrograde passage have corresponded with a downturn in my life.  I had the flu turn into acute bronchitis, my sim card in my phone died, my truck has a cracked head gasket, and my unemployment benefits ended.  Not. My. Month.

I'm only just now beginning to process all the disruptions of the past month.  I'm okay managing them as long as I feel like I can get with the flow of the energies.  This one has had me on the ropes for over a month...on the ropes, over a barrel, and with multiple guns to my head.  There has been no safe harbor.  It wasn't until yesterday that a glimmer of hope appeared.  I realized that this whole process has felt like a deconstruction of my ego.  I know that doesn't sound like a glimmer of hope, but sometimes understanding is the greatest tool when the universe decides to shake up my ant farm.

I'm a big fan of the control of my life being in my hands and this entire set of energetics has taken that control from me at every turn.  I'm still struggling with it even now, but at least I have a better understanding.  Letting go of what I see as essentially my right as a conscious entity, to be in control of my life, is kind of difficult.  However, the universe will not be denied, so I can give it up willingly or continue fighting until I'm exhausted.  Either way the universe wins...and I'm feeling pretty darned exhausted right now.

I really don't know how all this is going to turn out, because giving up my control is perhaps my core issue.  After the crappy two years I've had of Saturn in Libra I'm really not looking forward to his journey through Scorpio.  Especially if this past month has been any indication of what I have to look forward to.  I'm trying hard to keep my chin up, but I'm really tired of getting the cosmic beat down.  We'll see what this coming week holds.  Mercury is going to be passing over the North node again on Friday and setting off all these energies once more.  I hope I can survive it.

EXP3

1 comment:

  1. Sorry you're struggling. I'll continue to send you all the good vibes I can. I always do :-)

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